Return to Taiwan

December 26, 1998

We returned to Taiwan between 5 and 6 in the evening. We caught the bus back to Taipei and then a cab back to Chu-Wan's parents' home. We would be staying in their home for the rest of the trip rather than in a hotel. They figured we'd gotten all that noisy honeymoon stuff out of our systems by now.

We visited for a while and told them about Singapore, then we went out to a night market. There wasn't much there except clothes, so it wasn't very interesting for me. I was in quest of shirts with Chinese characters on them. We found a few shirts with Japanese on them, but since we couldn't figure out what they said, we didn't get them - they didn't have my size anyway. Chu-Wan kept asking vendors if they had shirts in my size, but they'd just look at me with a you've-got-to-be-kidding look and shake their heads.

December 27, 1998

Sunday was an interesting day for me. Chu-Wan's friends were out of work and wanted to take her out. As the English speaking 5th wheel, I didn't feel too welcome going along and so, for the first time ever I was on my own, foreign, illiterate and loose in Taipei.

I decided to test my theory that everything in Taipei is really only a mile apart and it's just a quirk of the taxi driver's trade that makes everything seem far apart. I set out on foot to the Chiang Kai-Shek memorial, an imposing structure and large park.

The walk took me only 15 minutes but takes 17 minutes by Taxi. The entire memorial is surrounded by walls and inside them is a very pleasant and popular park which was filled with Sunday merrymakers.

The weather was very nice and at least 7 groups of people were there having their wedding photography pictures taken. Again I cursed the bad luck that gave us rain all day on our photography day.

I arrived just in time to see the changing of the guard at noon - or at least the last half of it. I wasn't able to get very close as the crowds swarmed around the scene. My sole advantage was altitude, I was head and shoulders over them so I could see some of the ceremony.

After the changing of the guard, I was able to get in. I was confronted with a sign in English which read, "No slippers or slovenly dress allowed." It was good thing I hadn't decided to wear my slovenly slippers that day! I wondered how many people who would read the English sign would know what the word "slovenly" meant.

I walked back, taking the long way around, just to see more of the city. It was time for my real test of survival in the city.

I had already stopped in a 7-11 and picked up a Coke (fountain drink style) without difficulty, but now it was time for lunch. I decided the first western-style fast food restaurant I passed would be my testing ground. Just my luck, it turned out to be McDonald's.

I decided to go with the picture menus and the value meals. I stepped up to the busy register (you could see the bead of sweat forming on the cashier's face) She was worried that she wouldn't be able to communicate with the approaching foreigner, she looked furtively from right to left, hoping I'd get in another line, but no luck. I stepped up to the plate, and mustering as much aplomb as I could, pointed at the #7.

She said, "Number 7, spicy chicken value meal?"

I nodded, just in case she wouldn't understand me saying something complex like, "Um, yeah, right."

She said, "It's spicy, you know..."

I decided to risk it, "Yep" I said.

She countered with, "What would you like to drink?"

I was stumped, how should I respond? Should I say, "Coke" or "Cola"? "Coke or Cola, which will make more sense?" I thought to myself.

"Cola", I said.

"Coke?" she replied.

"Um, yeah, right", I said, figuring by this point she can handle the complexities of that typically American vernacular.

"It'll be 2 minutes for the chicken, is that ok?"

"Um, yeah, right." It didn't confuse her last time, this time should be a piece of cake.

And thus was my McDonald's adventure.

I returned to the house about 20 minutes earlier than expected, let myself in and read some e-mail. Chu-Wan was still out so I didn't have much to do.

After she returned, we picked up some pictures from Singapore and came back and watched TV. They've got some great ads for something like Viagra. This "medicine" is made with the toxins from red ants. It was an interesting TV commercial. I particularly like the images of a rocket going off after the guy takes his pill.

The next shot is two people, totally covered by a blanket, comically going at it very actively. I think they owe a "thank you" to Monty Python for that ad.

We watched a couple funny movies (with English subtitles) and a psuedo-game show program where cute girls competed to be on TV. One girl's task was to go around the streets of Taipei with a whoopee cushion concealed in her magazine and then squeeze it near people, the hidden camera then captured their reaction to her rather loud farts. Sometimes she'd make the noise and then complain at the person sitting next to her, like "You gross pig!" and get up and walk away. It was quite funny.

It was time for the family to go out for dinner. We went to a place with Chinese "Hot Pot". It was rather like the dinner we had in Singapore. Each table had a pot of boiling broth. In our case the pot was split in two sections. One side had ordinary broth and the other side had "fiery hot" especially for me. The fiery hot wasn't that hot, but I've noticed that the Chinese concept of "spicy" is mild compared to my definition.

Raw meat, vegetables, noodles and other things are brought to the table, and each person cooked what they wanted, then diped the food in a dipping bowl for extra flavor. I think I impressed them with my insanity, I used the chili oil as my dipping sauce in addition to boiling in the spicy broth.

I must admit, it was great!

December 28, 1998

Today Chu-Wan had to go to the passport office and renew her Taiwanese passport. Because we were running late, we took a taxi to the building. When we went in, we discovered that the office had moved, so we caught another taxi and drove to a different part of town. The office was pretty efficient, and we got out in 30 minutes. She should have her passport back on January 4^th, which is good because we leave January 5^th and she won't be able to travel if she doesn't have it back.

Next, we walked to the CD marketplace, but this time I was looking at DVDs. The Chinese movies that I like to rent back home on videodtape cost $6 a night cost. The DVDs in Taiwan cost NT$200 to buy. If you do the math, that's about $6US each DVD. They also have specials where they are only $500 for 3! It's time to buy a DVD player!

We didn't buy any just yet, as we had to rush home, but not before we stopped at "Gold In Tex" Fried Chicken. It was not bad, and it was here that we discovered that I liked the music from the popular singer "Yuki". Chu-Wan thinks she's just too cutesy. (Coming from someone who now owns a complete Hello Kitty Wardrobe, from shoes to hair clips, that's funny!)

Why did we have to rush home? So that we could go back to the wedding photo place for Phase Three of the Wedding Photography Adventure: this time to pick out more dresses for Chu-Wan for the wedding ceremony in Taiwan. Afterwards we went to pick up my newest suit (a present from the Huangs). When we got there her mother didn't like the cut of the shoulders and it was sent back for further alterations.

Chu-Wan then went to her Uncle's dentist shop for a cleaning. Oh, how different dentistry is from that in the states!

While the equipment was modern, I particularly like the fact that everyone in the waiting room gets to watch the dentist in action, as their working area is only separated by a little waist high fence. That way, everyone in the waiting room gets to enjoy the sound of the drill in action.

The night market was nearby and Chu-Wan loaded up on Hello Kitty stuff. I hit the jackpot for Tokusatsu toys. We found several places with Ultraman and Kamen Rider toys. I bought a 1999 Ultraman calendar, and, best of all, I got lucky and found a rare Changerion figure.

Changerion is a show that didn't sell enough toys and was cancelled early. Too bad my purchase wasn't in time to help spare the show from cancellation.

After spending way too much money, we stopped and ate at a street vendor. It was a "you pick it" and they deep fry it place... I had a (Foster Farms) corn dog, some oddly spiced chicken nugget-like things (very tasty) and something they call "tempura". This was quite unlike the Japanese rendition of tempura, which is something like a shrimp or a cucumber dipped in batter and deep fried. The Chinese tempura is just the batter deep fried. Now that's my kind of tempura!

This rewarding Chinese dinner experience was slightly offset by the discovery that the raw sewage smell that occasionally wafted around the food stalls was in fact not raw sewage. The smell turned out to be a dish called "Stinky Tofu". To me it's just another good reason not to eat tofu. Apparently it is Tofu, soaked in something and then deep fried. My best guess is that it is marinated in an unflushed toilet.

I kept covering my face with my shirt to keep from up-chucking my dinner. The smell was awful and all the worse once I realized it was supposed to be eaten!

December 29, 1998

We were married first in the United States on December 12th, for the benefit of my family and friends and, most especially, the INS. Soon we were to have a second ceremony in Taiwan for the benefit of Chu-Wan's family and friends.

Today we met Chu-Wan's friend Phoebe, who would be acting as "maid of honor" at our second wedding on Jan 1. Phoebe is supposedly emigrating to Canada later this year, and speaks good English. We met her at lunch time and went to the Min Yao department store and ate downstairs in one of the many food stalls in the basement. Having restarants in the basement of department stores is the norm in Taiwan.

In this instance we had Udon at a Japanese restaurant. At last we were in a place where I could understand them a little. I did get an odd look when I started the meal with the traditional Japanese "Itadakimasu!

According to Chu-Wan, Phoebe was chosen as maid of honor because she, like Chu-Wan was born in the year of the Tiger. Normally, Tigers aren't invited to weddings or hospitals because they are considered so lucky. Luck is just naturally attracted to them and so, instead of bringing luck to people, they steal it from them.

December 30, 1998

It was back to Min Yao department store for more dress stuff.

While I was there I ran across an old Tokusatsu toy, a Jet Garuda from Jetman, a 1980's series. Oddly, the toy appears to be manufactured by the "wrong" company - I suspect that it is an example of the rampant "pirate" merchandise available in Taiwan. The "Hetto Kitty" and "DNKY" shirts always amused me. It's all in misspelling a word here or there...

After the store, we went to a financial building where we looked over the stock market exchange where Chu-Wan's mother spends her days buying and selling stocks. It's an interesting place with lots of little cubbyhole rooms with dozens of monitors displaying the current trading price of all the stocks on the Taiex.

Late that evening we grabbed a bus to go pick up my friends David and Jeff who were arriving from the states. Their flight was delayed an hour - partly because their connecting flight from Phoenix was delayed and partly because of bad luck on the main flight.

We dropped them off at the Leofoo hotel (the same one we stayed at earlier) just minutes after the next door McDonald's closed, so there was no food for them that night. Clearly the time of the flight from the US was designed to frustrate the stomach of the traveller.

December 31, 1998

I knew this was to be my last "New Year's Eve" of the 1900's. Next year I would no doubt be babysitting computers in fear of the pending Y2K crisis. It will no doubt prove to be mostly a waste of time, but my fate has been sealed.

In the morning we picked David and Jeff up and headed for the National Palace Museum. Perhaps I'm a philistine at heart, but no matter how impressive the collection is - and it is extensive, beautiful and unique in the world, but it wears a little bit on the boring side on the second visit.

Jeff had a new camcorder and was taping everything: street signs, traffic, buses, menus in restaurants, even the garbage collection services. Although he didn't realize it, it's the only way to learn what to tape and what NOT to tape. When he watches the tape a few times he will have learned a valuable lesson.

At one point the three of us politely tried to move out of the way of two girls who were having their picture taken. We would have been in the background of the shot. When we moved, they asked us to get back in the picture. Apparently, three Caucasians in the background was a bonus for them.

After the Museum, we bused on over to the nearest Roundtable Pizza for lunch. It was almost my first square meal in 2 days! Chu-Wan was now suffereing a cold (I wonder where she got that from?) so we returned to her parent's house so she could nap.

David, Jeff and I decided to set out for the Chiag Kai Shek memorial. It wasn't on their sight-seeing itinerary, but we had 1.5 hours to kill and it was all I felt confident I could get them to without Chu-Wan's help.

The park around the memorial was setting up for a huge free New Year's Eve concert and it was all ready beginning to fill up.

According to that night's news, and from a report next day from my brother-in-law, the park was packed shoulder to shoulder. We got in and out just in time.

We had dinner plans with the Huang family. We went to an all-you can eat Basil Mint restaurant. Chu-Wan's mom and dad, her brother, grandmother and two aunts, both of whom are nuns, plus the other Huang family (to whom I referred to in my last travelogue) were there.

While David and I remained faithful to our nature (that is: we didn't say anything unless we had to), Jeff was Mr. Chatty. He was great. He was talking to everyone, asking questions, being interested. I suspect that my in-laws were beginning to think that I and my friends and family didn't talk. At the grooms dinner in Phoenix, my father, David and I said about 6 words the whole evening. Jeff certainly dispelled this myth and saved David and I from painful conversation.

We took David and Jeff to the night market and it was packed. They got to witness an odd phenomena. An ambulance was attempting to get through the crowds to reach a hospital, sirens blaring. It had to move an inch at a time because not one of the crowd would get out of the way to let them pass.

January 1, 1999

365 days until the end of civilization as we know it. 1 year until all computer microchips will refuse to brown our toast because they can't count right. (Humbug!)

The big day - again: My second wedding.

We were up at the crack of dawn getting ready. I'd been told the service would be in Chinese and that I'd have to say "Woa yuen yi" when it was my turn. I spent the morning practicing, but I had no idea what I was saying. I also had no idea when I was supposed to say it.

The service turned out to be a nuptual mass rather than a wedding ceremony, so Phoebe and David, who we expected to stand with us, didn't. Instead, they just walked down the aisle in front of us and sat down in the first row.

I had no idea what was said that day as it was all in Mandarin, but when they stuck the microphone in my face, somewhere between the standing and the sitting and the kneeling and the bowing, I said my line, "Woa Yu..."

That's when my father-in-law frantically indicated... "No not now!"

OK, I stopped. Oops.

The next time they stuck the mike in front of my face, I hesitated. I looked for some signal from my father-in-law. He nodded, I think, and this time I got through my line. Hurrah for our team!

A little while later, they stuck the mike in front of my face again.

What was I supposed to do? Say it again? Sure, why not?

"Woa yuen yi", I said. Nobody laughed.

There was more standing, more sitting, more bowing, more kneeling, people eating little Nila wafers or some similar cookie - I didn't get one. And then it was over. We went outside for pictures, lots of pictures, then over to her parent's house and finally to a restaurant for the reception.

The reception had 14 tables, with 10 people at each able. Food was served in a Chinese banquet style, for over three hours of eating.

Chu-Wan had a special room she would retreat to and change her dress during the middle and also to prepare to hand out candy at the end.

Jeff got video of the fish they served as they cut its head off at our table.

Sadly for David, Jeff and I, we were at the table of honor so people SERVED us. We couldn't just pick and choose what we wanted to eat. We got the first, full helpings of everything.

The squid, the octopus, the oysters, the fish (complete with tail) and many other totally unidentifiable items.

It was torture for me. Meanwhile, David ate something he shouldn't and got mildly ill. He was being cautious about his allergies to egg, poultry and citrus but he missed something. Fortunately, he wasn't seriously ill, but it got him out of the rest of the meal.

Chu-Wan and I went from table to table toasting everyone, but Chu-Wan had them substitute tea instead of Taiwanese wine. At one of the tables, a group of older gentlemen noticed the deception and insisted that I drink wine with them. It was no problem, and I think I got a couple of brownie points for downing it.

Finally, as everyone left, we handed out candy on their way out and it was over.

By this time, David Jeff and I were starving. I wonder if anyone ever left a 12-14 course Chinese wedding banquet hungry before? We secretly took off for Roundtable Pizza while Chu-Wan returned home for a nap.

We ate our fill, then we made a quick to trip to the Shin Kong Mitsukoshi (Xin Gong Sanyue - in Chinese) department store looking for goodies. We came back empty-handed, but on our way back I picked up junk food for the next day's trip to Sun Moon Lake. I'm afraid there will be no pizza in the small towns… maybe not even McDonald's.

After dinner that evening, Chu-Wan took us to meet her friends. We met them at "Snake Alley" a notorious tourist spot. They had never been there, and thought it had been closed down by "right-thinking foreigners" who complained about it.

What is Snake Alley? It's another night market, but this one caters more towards souvenir-type items. More notoriously, it caters to some of the more "fringe" elements of Taiwanese cuisine.

Watch them cut up a live turtle for dinner! See them smack a poisonous snake on the floor to stun it, then gut it alive, pour the blood into a drink. Remove the bile from its liver and put that in another drink - all while the snake is slowly expiring.

Eeek! It was a bit gruesome made worse by the showmanship involved, but really nothing compared to the treatment of chickens in our chicken farms.

Snake Alley hadn't been closed down as her friends thought, but none of the food stalls would give their "show" if they spied a camera in the audience.

We walked around all the stalls. Chu-Wan ate Squid-on-a-stick so Jeff could videotape it. We stopped at the famous Longshan temple and looked around. It was very nice, but a bit dark for good pictures.

January 2, 1999

We were up early once again, this time for our excursion to Sun Moon Lake, a popular tourist area in central Taiwan. Chu-Wan packed our bags while my father-in-law and I went to pick up a rental van and then David and Jeff.

Back at the house, Chu-Wan was done packing and so we headed out of town at about 11 AM. We were also carrying Chu-Wan's grandmother and her aunt, who we were returning to their home town of Hsinchu.

David and Jeff had been staying at the Leofoo hotel. I have previously described the breakfasts there so it's safe to say that David's breakfasts had been consisting of corn flakes and rice. He was usually showing signs of hunger near lunch time. Once we dropped off Chu-Wan's relatives, our first order of business was to find a McDonald's for a gourmet western-style lunch for David's sake.

Since we had a long drive in front of us, I took the opportunity as a restroom break also. Once again I was reminded at how different our concepts of privacy are from the Taiwanese. I was just standing there, minding my own business (doing my own business) along with 2 other guys. A McDonald's employee was posting a sign on the toilet stall - I assumed it was an out-of-order sign and was glad that the stall hadn't been my destination.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, followed, 1/2 second later by a female McDonald's employee barging into the men's room to help with the installation of the sign.

Nobody else at the urinals seemed to even notice. I found it... disconcerting.

After lunch we hit the road for a couple hours and arrived in the town of Taichung, one of Taiwan's larger cities. We stopped to visit old friends of Chu-Wan's father and they took us out for ice cream.

We hit the road again until we reached the small town of Puli, near Sun Moon lake, where we checked into a beautiful, huge brand-new hotel.

We went exploring town on foot and had dinner at one of those places where the guests sit around a big flat grill and the chef fries the food in front of you. I had beef and lamb in something akin to a black-peppercorn sauce. It was excellent. It was made even better by the fact that, since we got individual attention on our food, mine was loaded with red-peppers and hot! At last, spicy food!

We walked around town further, did some shopping and returned to the room. I watched a really dreadful American film called "Danger Zone III: Steel Horse War". It was a movie about a motorcycle dude who was the lone good guy against the gang of bad guys intent on discovering buried Confederate Gold. You know, the same old story.

What was interesting about it was that it was being played from a VCD. VCDs (Video Compact Discs) are a technology I'd never seen in action. The technology stinks. I guess that's why it's dead. Then on to a good night's sleep in this beautiful, ultra-modern hotel.

At least, I think I went on to a good night's sleep.

As my head hit the mattress, I experienced two different things:

1. The realization that the mattress was a wooden board.
2. Unconsciousness.

January 3, 1999

The next morning we had breakfast in the hotel coffee shop. Mine was a piece of Spam and a glass of tea.

David could only eat the Spam, as they put lemon juice in his water.

We checked out and headed to the Sun Moon lake area. Our first stop was the Formosan Aboriginal Village.

The Formosan Aboriginal Village is, in fact, an amusement park and not a Formosan aboriginal village. We spent all day there riding the rollercoasters, log rides, etc. Plus, the whole place is "themed" along the lines of - you guessed it: Formosan aboriginal villages.

There were several aboriginal tribes on Taiwan (back then usually referred to as Formosa), some were head-hunters. Not surprisingly, their customs and habits resemble those of Native American tribes.

The music they were playing at the theme park was so catchy that David, Jeff and I each bought the 3-CD set of music.

After a full day at the park we headed to a small town on the coast of Sun Moon lake and checked into a motel there. (One with matresses!) Her father then took us to meet another of his friends. This friend runs a tea-house/gift shop place. It served tea, sold tea and other truck-stop type items. There were stuffed deer and flying squirrels all over, lots of severed deer legs (and the traps that severed them), antler pieces, deer testicles and other bits for sale. It was all very interesting and gruesome at the same time.

David and I got to (read: "were forced to") put on some traditional aboriginal outfits and have our pictures taken. We looked stupid.

We drove around half the lake, and stopped at a temple that has the "largest stone lions in the world" guarding the temple. They are big. From the top of the temple, you can see most of the lake. It's very scenic, but it was getting dark by this time, so our daylight had just about run out.

We continued around to the next small town on the lake, this time to see the pagoda that sits out on the water (and acts as a pier). This town was even smaller than the one we were staying at. Somehow, Mr. Huang ran across an old friend of his (whom he hadn't seen in 30 years) and they chatted. His friend showed us the local aboriginal cultural center, and took us around to some of the tourist shops.

Now, completely dark, we headed back to the hotel. My intention was to go to sleep, but instead, I found a Steven Chueng move (The Lucky Guy) playing on the TV and spent nearly 2 more hours watching that. Good film.

January 4, 1999

Early the next morning, we took a boat across the lake to the small island with a tiny temple on it. The island is directly between the Sun and the Moon portions of the lake. (The Lake is broken into two halves, one round, like the sun, the other more of a crescent shape, like the moon, hence the name.)

Then it was time for the drive back to Taipei.

Near Taichung, at a rest area, Mr. Huang handed me the keys to the van and I was off on the road. Look out Taiwan! American driver on the road!

I'm sure I've said this before, my theory is that, in the United States, we're "taught" to drive defensively and follow the rules. The assumption is that everyone else on the road is a complete idiot and cannot be trusted not to hit you.

In Taiwan, they seem to follow a different system. It seems to me that, perhaps, they believe that the other drivers will look out for themselves and that they will avoid collision with you.

In essence, they trust the other drivers on the road. A driver like myself, who trusts no one, is completely at a loss. You have to have trust to pull across three lanes of moving traffic and assume they won't kill you.

Fortunately, my driving was on the freeway, which is no different than in the States. Then we reached a small town to get gas and lunch. I was directed to pull into a gas station.

The full service attendants asked me a question (in Chinese, of course). Neither Chu-Wan nor her father helped by interpreting what they were saying. The person asked again.

This time I prompted Chu-Wan... "Ummm, what are they asking? What should I tell them?"

Finally Mr. Huang got out and did the necessary long discussion that seems to accompany any business transaction in Taiwan.

We went to McDonald's for the obligatory lunch and restroom break.

This time, while I was at the urinal, a mother brought her son in, stood him up the urinal next to me and taught him how to use the men's room.

There were no partitions between the urinals, and people just can't help but stare at foreigners... I just wasn't having much luck in the men's rooms in McDonald's.

I drove the rest of the way into Taipei, and then into Taipei. It was more horrible than I imagined. At one point her father's directions required that I make a left turn, in a six-way intersection, from the right lane, to the acute left lane, while two lanes of traffic (on my left, moving in my direction) were turning both left and right at random. This is not to mention the lanes of oncoming traffic I had to turn in front of. I turned right instead, pulled over and gave him the keys.

Afterwards, David, Jeff and I, on foot, went shopping. First, to Daiichi electronics, to look at DVD players and buy Jeff some Mini-DV video tapes. Then we went to Roundtable pizza and the Eslite bookstore. We headed for the specialty toy store, Area 51. It was closed again! Someday I shall shop there! We closed out the evening with trips to all the major department stores and Tower Records. It was a very expensive evening for all of us.

We ran out of time and couldn't get to the CD stores under the bridge. I called Chu-Wan and she suggested that we go to a movie, It was 9 when I called from Sogo and the movie, "God of Gambler's 1999 - The Conman" started at 9:20 near the Leofoo hotel. We figured we could just make it.

First we caught the TRT, then we took off on foot. We were moving at a rapid clip, but then a pack of wild dogs set upon us. We left Jeff for dead, fighting off the dogs. David and I hurried... faster and faster we walked, finally arriving at 9:30... too late. Chu-Wan was already there... as was Jeff. He had taken a Taxi.

However, the movie had started at 9:00 - an unscheduled change not listed in the paper.

We waited for the 11:00PM showing.

Sadly, the movie wasn't great... God of Gamblers, and some of the sequels were great films, but this newest one has NO continuity with the other except for the star, Andy Lau. In this film he's almost a dottering old man. It picked up towards the end, and we generally enjoyed the movie-going experience, but, it could have been better.

Popcorn in Taiwanese theatres taste wrong... I think they use MSG instead of salt. They have no butter.

January 5, 1999

The next morning we took the van, which we held for an extra day and drove to Yehliu, an area of bizarre rock formations along the north coast. Here, Mr. Huang once again ran into an old friend of his, who let us in for free.

Afterwards we had a steak lunch and a birthday cake for Mr. Huang.

We then went to the CD places under the bridge, got some more stuff and returned, just in time to drive to the airport to catch our flight out.

This was my third time to fly out of Chiang Kai-Shek International airport, and the first time that I discovered there was a Burger King in the airport.

While we sat to wait for the flight, Mr. Huang suggested we might want to eat at Burger King.

"Where?" we cried.

"It's in the basement."

And so David, Jeff and I headed for the basement.

The problem was, this is the world's best-hidden Burger King. The elevators don't go to the basement. The stairs don't go to the basement. Finally, we discovered that one out of the three elevators on the side of the building takes you to the basement.

We arrived in an off-limits, restricted area.

We left, rapidly.

We went to the other side of the building, no luck.

We went back to the check-in counters. There was still no evidence of an entry into an unrestricted basement.

Jeff finally asked someone.

"Oh, it's in the basement", said the stranger, while he pointed towards the side of the building.

We walked towards where he pointed and found stairs!

They led to the air-raid shelter.

We went back to the first floor dejected and hungry. Finally, I spotted another set of stairs that said "Parking - Restaurants" and down we went. There we found the Burger King and a whole food court.

Our flight back was uneventful, our only problem was transporting the huge wedding portrait of Chu-Wan and I. Although it was in a box marked "FRAGILE" in two languages and big, bright stickers, the box was crushed by the time it arrived in Phoenix.

Marking a box fragile just means that you have to carry it yourself from gorilla A to gorilla B in San Francisco.